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Home : Community : Customer Gallery : What should have been a baby blanket . . .
 

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What should have been a baby blanket . . .
Created By: Darshani Sukumaran

A year and a half ago my good friend was due with her third child, a boy. I was taking college classes at the time so the baby blanket I was working on was taking longer than expected. I chose a fluffy blue yarn that, when held to the light just right, looked like a cloud. As a beginning knitter I had started it off as a receiving blanket but the gauge was all wrong and it was much longer than expected. I decided to just knit a bigger blanket! With the due date just a week away I switched into high gear.



A few days before the due date I got an email that would change everything: "Dear all, This afternoon we learned that our baby is dead in utero. There was no fluid around the baby and it seems the placenta had a problem. We are heartbroken beyond words. Tomorrow morning we will be going back to the hospital for induction and we will deliver the baby in as normal a manner possible. It will be a very hard day for us, and the period after even more as we grieve. We ask for prayers and kind thoughts from you, and request that there be no phone calls. Thank you for your loving support thus far and for your understanding during this time when we will be less than social."



First there was shock. Then there was heartbreak amongst our circle of friends. I looked at the baby blanket I had worked so hard on. Should I give it to her still? Would it just open up fresh wounds? After a few more days I decided to give it to her just as it was when I had received the news. I bound it off. An unfinished baby blanket for an unfinished life. This was not a baby blanket at all. It was a prayer shawl.



I sent it with a note that went something like this: "Dear J, I was not finished with this blanket yet when I heard of your baby son's passing. I want you to have it anyway. It is a cloud blanket for your angel, to wrap around your shoulders whenever you need a hug. I hope it does not bring you much sadness to receive it, but that it serves as a reminder of how much he was cared about, and that his presence on Earth was real. No one expects to say goodbye to a baby. We were prepared to rejoice in strong emotion at the birth of your son. Instead we are mourning-- but those emotions are also just as powerful, if not more so. The process of mourning makes us more whole and complete. He touched all of us in some way. I wish so much that I was not writing you this kind of note, that this tragedy did not happen to one of the kindest people I know. But just know that processing his loss even from a distance has touched my heart and changed me. I have thought deeply about him, and you, and the whole thing and what my beliefs are in this situation. It challenged my beliefs and made me think deeply about things and come to a place spiritually that I had not been before. His death is like a tiny stone dropped in a pond. The ripples that circle out may not be strong enough to cover the whole lake like mighty splash, but he still touched the lives of those who knew about him."





 
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